Tag Archives: Seahawks

The Goddamn Patriots are Going to the Super Bowl Again

Get used to this shit.

Get used to this shit.

Watching the New England Patriots dominate the Houston Texans, I realized: The Goddamn Patriots are going to the Super Bowl again. Sorry haters, it’s not their fault that your team can’t beat them. New England’s last two appearances have been terribly disappointing anyway.

Right now, the Texans and Falcons have the best records in the NFL. The Falcons are an NFC team, but they’re not going to the Super Bowl either (it’ll be the Packers). Anything can still happen. I will not edit this should the following predictions go horribly wrong. Opinions are based largely on hunches and favorite colors.

Let’s run down both conferences after this healthy dose of perspective:

AFC-Super-Bowl-Infographic

AFC

BRONCOS: Oh sweet irony! The Broncos will lose in their first game to the Colts or Tim Tebow (Mark Sanchez) and the New York Jets…in a long shot (Would it be more ironic if the Colts lost to the Peyton Manning-led Broncos?) Truth be told, I’m an AFC West rival fan so my personal bias may be getting the best of me. If the Patriots don’t make the Super Bowl, the Broncos will win it all and I will hate it.

COLTS: Like I said, they beat the Broncos in the first round, but are done in the second, probably against the Texans. It’ll be exciting. After sandbagging last season to get Andrew Luck, they will win 2 more Super Bowls this decade.

RAVENS: They looked unstoppable pre-injuries. Ray Lewis in the twilight of his career is even turning his image into a gentle giant, kind of a “Mean Joe” Green for the 2010s. Now he’ll be back just in time for the playoffs. They’ll stick around for sure. If they can beat the Texans, we’ll see them in the AFC title game.

TEXANS: I love Arian Foster. He’s a fascinating human being. He has dapper style. He hikes in the desert and yells at “The Universe”. I’d love to see Houston make the Super Bowl. I’d love to go hiking with Arian. They had such promising (Oiler) teams in the 90s only to lose in some real stunners. They beat the Bears at their own game – a sloppy turf war. Then they whipped the Ravens, but this week, though, they looked too human against the Patriots. You’ll them in the AFC Championship, but it doesn’t matter because:

The Goddamn PATRIOTS are going to the Super Bowl again: I don’t even care that they lost to the Cardinals in week 1 and then the Ravens. It’s probably some diabolical Belichick plan to create drama. The Patriots are on fire now and the rest of the league is out of water. They utterly dismantled the (arguably) best team in the AFC this week. If it were in Houston, I think New England STILL would have won. They have that “je ne sais quoi” (French for “X-Factor”) of a champion. Am I a Patriots fan? Nope. They’re going to the Super Bowl again and will win it this time. Just accept it.

BENGALS (or STEELERS…or if the Mayan calendar proves true, the JETS): One and done. I’m glad my Pittsburgh family doesn’t read this blog.
NFC

BEARS: They’re 0-3 vs. other teams in this list and have been outscored by those teams 68-23. Playoffs, yes. One and done.

49ers: They’ll win a playoff game, but not two.

FALCONS: I want the Falcons to win. I’m on their bandwagon because my team (the Chiefs) stinks and I’m a big Tony Gonzalez. I have actually directed the guy for television (have I mentioned that before?) and really like him, both personally and for the KC nostalgia he represents. I even have a Falcons HAT. They’ve only lost two games this year, both to bad teams in their division. I take division losses lightly because anything can happen in those games. Still, I think they’ll get knocked out in a tragic NFC title game vs. the Packers. Maybe it’s my cynicism as a Chiefs fan. I hope I’m wrong. If they beat the Giants this week, we’ll talk.

PACKERS: They’re going to the Super Bowl. Unless…

GIANTS: If they beat the Falcons this week…next week’s blog will be titled “The Goddamn Giants are going to win the Super Bowl…again”. Even if they win just ONE of their next three games, don’t be surprised when they make an “unlikely run” through the playoffs, quietly picking off opponents like the Dark Knight hiding in shadows. They’re the Giants; a C+ season and strong playoff run is how they do.

SEAHAWKS: Will lose to the Packers in the playoffs. The football gods will see to it. It’s too bad, their uniforms – not surprisingly – are becoming the NFL’s own University of Oregon.

VIKINGS (or REDSKINS): One-and-done.

That’s it. That’s what’s happening. I’d love to see a Ravens / Falcons Super Bowl. Defense vs. Offense. Two veterans in their last chance at glory. Instead, the Patriots will beat the Packers in the Super Bowl and score more combined points than any Super Bowl in history. Most of us are probably bored at the idea already. Deal with it. Find a good party and watch the Patriots win the Goddamn Super Bowl again.

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The Twitter Delusion

Richard Sherman is great at playing cornerback and yelling at people.  Tom Brady wins Super Bowls.  Last week, Sherman had a great game in a competitive sport where guys yell rude things at each other for several hours.  He apparently picked on Tom Brady all day, and eventually picked off one of his passes.  Then got all up in his business about it, looking like one of those fans who points to his hat, or holds out the logo on his shirt.  I felt it was a very Twitter-in-real-life confrontation.

Well, that’s just not nice.

Both are “celebrities”, but Tom Brady – like him or not – is a Wheaties box, GQ cover guy while Sherman – talented in his own right – is more likely to show up in a coupon flyer for your Seattle area Safeway.  This is not Muhammad Ali taunting Joe Frazier.  That perspective is not to take away Sherman’s great game.  For the day he was a very relevant player in Tom Brady’s life, but it is likely the two will never play each other again.

Twitter gives us a direct line to people we see on TV and has fed all of us the delusion that we are relevant to celebrities.  We can – right there in public – add an “@” before their name and send a message right to them! Occasionally, they even write back.  The Fonz tweeted to me once and it was magical. Twitter doesn’t put us on the same social level as celebrities but essentially puts us ALL in the front row.  There’s a chance we’ll interact with our heroes, and maybe bring that unsavory internet-comment behavior with us.

Richard Sherman is a cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks.  Tom Brady is Tom Brady.  Hey, we’re ALL a little jealous of Tom Brady.  He’s the face of a franchise.  He’s won 3 Super Bowls to Sherman’s 0, has been NFL MVP twice and makes about 20x Sherman’s salary*.  Also, he gets to play QB.  He’s not sweating it.

Hostetler and Uncle Brett

Like Twitter, a football field is a great equalizer, if only the illusion of it.  My uncle Brett played high school football against eventual New York Giants Super Bowl winner Jeff Hostetler (most Western PA guys have that same mustache) and apparently sacked him once or twice.  As a 13-year-old this led me to believe he would have been BETTER than Jeff Hostetler if not for the tragic fact that my uncle did not go to college.  As a 35-year-old I know that there is a difference between BEING a quarterback and TACKLING (or in Sherman’s case, intercepting) a quarterback.  There are exceptions: Joe Theismann and Lawrence Taylor come to mind.

In addition to position, accomplishments and money, there are several gaps between these two players: Half a generation – Sherman is 24 and Brady is 35.  Sherman “Tweets” to about 21,000 followers.  Brady isn’t even ON Twitter but has about 21,000 fake accounts dedicated to his name.  Experience – Brady has been playing football since Sherman was in jr. high school.  All players are important, but in some ways, Richard Sherman is as far from Tom Brady as Regular Joe fans are from Richard Sherman who SEEMS like your average Twitter follower.  We’re all Richard Shermans.

I get it, Richard.  Patriots fans aside, most of us probably cheered against Tom Brady in his last 3 or 4 appearances.  Yeah, it’s great for Sherman.  He is clearly enjoying his moment.  It’s a funny scene, but history’s probably gonna look at that photo and say, “Who’s that guy yelling at Tom Brady?”

*Tom Brady had his salary restructured this year to help the Patriots stay under their salary cap.  He knocked his base salary down to $950,000 but gets a $10.8 MILLION signing bonus. And who-knows-what for endorsements.

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